Tag: <span>financial domination</span>


My Dream FLR

If you have stumbled into My website, there is a good chance you know or are at least curious about kink. Perhaps you are a submissive yourself and want to know more about Me. But I am sure not all of you know one of My most favorite acronyms: FLR

Female Led Relationships

Yes. This is a real thing.
And no, it is not always embedded in kink. Like any typical relationship, it can have kink in it and it also does not have to.

Female Led Relationships ( FLR ) was never really on My radar or even had a name to it until I entered the kink world. However, I’ve seen it modelled My entire life with women around Me. Growing up in Asia, I have seen it so often in Asian women around Me which is why I always chuckle when I hear the “submissive Asian woman” stereotype. That was so far from My own reality. Bold women is within My blood line. In fact, the actual family name I have is matriarchal, dating back 4000 years. Something I am proud of.

FLR like any other relationship perpetuates in many forms.
I suspect some of you may have even seen signs of it growing up.

Perhaps your mother’s words were final law in the household.
Or your girlfriend ordered for both of you at the restaurant.
Perhaps your ex-partner decided it would be fun sexually leading your bedroom antics.
Maybe you even found yourself drawn to bold and powerful women all through your adolescence.

Welcome to seeing and perhaps even experiencing the joys of FLR.

I found that people who are drawn to FLR are people who are naturally drawn to smart, powerful, bold and enticing women who know their sense of self worth and power. You find yourself being attracted to them.
People who thrive at being in a FLR seem to be people who enjoy the feeling of watching women take the lead and follow Her.

For some FLR is the dream. It is the goal. I have had many submissives tell Me it is impossible to find a woman who wants these things in a woman which is why they seek out dominatrixes. I have found this most puzzling because I am a dominatrix and I only have FLRs, multiple ones. Where were you? Because, if compatible, we could be in one. You and Me.

As FLR, like any relationship, is different for everyone and perpetuates differently, I figured I would share what is My dream FLR which to be honest, seems rather elusive.

My Dream FLR

To start off with, you have done your research on Me. You have read My blog posts, followed Me on Twitter to see My humor and My politics, subscribed to My AVN Stars to have a more intimate look at Me. You have self determined you are interested in a seeking a FLR and are self aware enough to understand, like every relationship, it will take time, patience, commitment and work. You also recognize that a genuine personality, value and goal compatibility is key. Which means, rather than changing yourself too dramatically to be with Me, you are self aware, you know yourself, your own desires in an FLR and reflect on seeing if you are compatible with Me based on how I am in an FLR:

1. I want to get to know you deeply
There is nothing sexier or more special to Me about hearing about your life. Tell Me what excites you, moves you, what you have read recently…

2. You accept I have multiple partners.
I am polyamorous, something I will discuss another day in a separate blog post. Simply put, I do not and will never have only one partner ( which is known as being monogamous ). I do not believe that all partners in My life will give Me everything I need for a fulfilling life, which is why I will always have more than two ( If you practice polyamory, you know the book I am referencing ) . And no, I will not become monogamous simply because of your existence to Me. No matter how “good” or devoted you are.

3. You will allow Me to mold you into the best version of yourself.
Unless I am already pleased with your current self ( which for some I am! ), I will likely encourage better daily/weekly/monthly practices. Some of you would benefit from meditation and some valuable reading materials. Allow Me to guide you and be open to self improvement.

4. I want to do fun, naughty and exciting things with you ( in person & on the phone/skype )
I do not require to see you daily, if fact – I would prefer not. I am intensely independent and like My own personal time. I enjoy weekly, bi weekly skype/phone chats with you.

5. You are comfortable with NOT talking/texting/emailing everyday.
I am highly independent, the best people I have FLR with are people who have the self confidence and independence to contain themselves to a large part till we have a phone/Skype date. If you are extremely needy, you are probably not My type. In fact, gather your stories and share them to Me when we finally speak, then we have so much excitement to share with each other.

6. You contribute to My life
This is non-negotiable. You will take care of Me allow Me to live the best life possible.
People who stay in My life financially contribute to it. Because, if I am not with you, I could literally be out there making money at high hourly rates. The more generous you are with your gifting and your heart, the more I see our relationship as a deeper commitment and worthy of My attention and affection.

7. You prioritize Me and My desires and boundaries
You will always respect My boundaries, you will always respect My time, if I ever want to escalate something I will. But know that always want My desires met and My boundaries honored.

8. You possess these traits:
– Independent
– Always self improving
– Kind
– Patient
– Compassionate
– Consistent 
– Honest and transparent communicator
– Good listener
– You are not focused on your own pleasure but Mine
– Self aware
– Know that Black lives matter and a willingness to challenge your learned notions of patriarchy, racism and heteronormativity

9. Love? Yes. Love.
I’m not a machine, I can actually fall for you. And no doubt, you can also fall in love with Me. But I’m going to be honest with you, this takes time for Me. I don’t simply fall in love with someone in a month, it has – on average taken Me many months, sometimes half a year or more to develop deep feelings for anyone. This is after all, a relationship. So to assume this will happen right away is presumptuous. To assume that love will always be there is also presumptuous. It is a living existence like any and all relationships. People fall out of love and some people stay in love for a LONG time. Sometimes it will come and sometimes it will go. And when it goes, there will be grieving. This is why the bar is so high for you to enter into My life. The stakes for Me is extremely high.


How would You describe being in an FLR with You to be?
Ans: Honestly, gentle femdom, lots of emotional and intellectual discussions, lots of laughing and enjoying each other’s company. It feels light, exciting, sweet, thrilling and darkly stimulating. People who stay the longest appreciate My intellectual curiosity, My love of life and resounding desire to better Myself and the world around Me. They admire My independence and kindness and do not take any of it for granted. Alot of them are surprised that when in a relationship with Me, it feels easy as long as they possess the traits above in point 8. I am wonderfully kinky and open to talk about even the most challenging topics. I will also call you out when you exhibit behavior worth correcting. I am also human, I make mistakes, I say things that perhaps need reflection, so a forgiving heart is also important as you cannot lose your sense of My humanity.

WOW! I’d love to be in an FLR with You! How do I go about doing this?
Ans: How exciting! Schedule a 1-2 hr phone session with Me. I will use it as a chance to get to know you and decide on our fit. Compatibility is key for Me. And yes, it will have to be tributed because if you cannot afford a phone call with Me, there is a good chance you cannot support Me in My point 6 above. I also need to anticipate tributes for this because if not I would be getting hundreds of non-serious inquiries. You need to stand out to Me by showing Me you value and honor My time. Know that, just like in a first date – if we aren’t too compatible I will let you know and we should move our separate ways. But if I see potential, I will be willing to keep on exploring. I detest any begging in an FLR. If I determine we are not a fit, move on and accept our only potential dynamic is in sessions.

Will I need to be in the same city as You to have an FLR with You?
Ans: No, actually most of My FLR dynamics are across the country. They fly down to see Me or I fly down to see them a few times a year. We have weekly, bi-weekly skype chats or phone calls between them.

How is this different from Long Distance Domination?
Ans: I get to know you more as a human being and you get to know Me more as a human being. There can be what you perceive as domination in a typical domination session I have with submissives but mostly it will be Me dictating the relationship.

It sounds more financially affordable to be with you in an FLR than in a Distance Domination/regular session situation, is that true?
Ans: No. It’s not. It’s the MOST high valued experience I have because it is SO intimate to Me. The risks I take emotionally is immense.

Can I polyamorous as well to be in an FLR with You?
Ans: Yes, you can – but honesty and transparency is key to Me. Some people prefer to be completely devoted to Me some people want to spread their time. But if I find you slowly slipping away from My life then you cannot stay.

Final thoughts

The truth is, I love being in multiple FLR but it’s not easy to find what I am looking for. Too many people are focused on their own pleasure and cannot see what I want which are quite simple, all stated above. Many people are thrown by the financial requirements I have but there is no other way for Me to be with someone if they do not contribute to My life that way as this is a big emotional commitment for Me. And no, there are very few positions for this available because I have limited emotional capacity. If doors are closed, that’s it.

I see Myself updating this blog post as I discover new things about Myself.
Thank you for reading.I hope you find your own personal fulfillment in the FLR of your dreams.

Domina Elara


Do Professional Dominatrices only do it for the money?

Do Professional Dominatrices only do it for the money?

When I about 20 years old, I came home from My trip to London I made friends with this 50 year old gentleman. He took Me out to dinner and asked Me a series of leading questions. It ultimately ended up like this…

Him: So, you like corsets

Me: Yes

Him: So, you like leather

Me: Yes

Him: So, you like latex

Me: Yes

Him: I want to show you a photo

He slides in next to Me in this restaurant booth and pulls out his phone and immediately I silently groan and think to Myself, “Oh, no. He’s going to show Me a photo of his penis.”. As I contemplate a response to this unsolicited dick pic and how I can leave this booth, he reveals to Me a large breasted body, fully clad in a long sleeved black PVC bodysuit, waist cinched down in a shiny corset, absurdly tall platform shoes, face covered in a rubber doll mask with a long pink wig. 20 year old Me was stunned. 

Me: Who is this?

Him: This is me. 

Now, this was way better than a dick pic.

I later found out that I was the only person in the WHOLE COUNTRY that he told. Now remember, I am not born in the Untied States, I am from a very conservative country in Asia. But he had always, since a child, passionately LOVED being encased in a tight body suit, and fantasized being treated like a doll and dominated by a woman. 

I was filled with so many questions about his kink. But through it all, there was this undertone of sadness and relief. I felt so much compassion for him. Imagine, being 50 years old, knowing your desires and passions since you were a kid but feeling like you couldn’t share them with almost anyone but a 20 year old you sort of knew. He had alot to hide, and coming from the same conservative country, a high powered job, I knew the amount of pressure it was to maintain the status quo and discretion. He told Me all this, and he desperately wanted Me to dominate him. 

Now, I was 20 at that time, with no actual prior experience in domination, the idea in it of itself, terrified Me. Also, being trapped in a room with a 50 year old man alone terrified Me. I politely declined and encouraged him to find a professional dominatrix – which he never did. 

“Why not seek out a professional dominatrix?” I asked, genuinely curious. 

“Because they only do it for the money.” he replied flatly. 

“They only do it for the money.” This statement has rang through My head for years since that conversation. Somehow, he had fully convinced himself that pro-dommes only dominated for the cash. That somehow they couldn’t possibly enjoy it more than someone who dominates in the lifestyle* ( I use ‘lifestyle’ loosely as a term many people use to describe kinksters who play without monetary exchange, there are other ways to use this term, but for the context of this post, I will use it as such ) . 

At that time, having hardly any experience with kink Myself, I honestly wondered if this was true. I was young, I worked sporadically, let alone in anything to do with BDSM. I genuinely wondered… was he right?

Since then, I have dived deep into professional domination but still am a newbie in the BDSM world with incredible pro-dommes and lifestylers who have carved and created this scene for decades. I am under the mentorship of two brilliant Mentors with decades of experience under their belt – Mistress Viola and Natasha Strange, have close friends who are dominatrices, friends who are lifestylers, friends who play with BDSM only in their free time to friends who are collared 24/7. I have to say this:

Professional dominatrices don’t just “do it for the money”.

It is a pretty unforgiving job in it’s own way. The amount of emotional fortitude you need to withstand email after email of people just trying to waste your time, to hold space for your very ( often ) nervous clients, to hold space for your ( sometimes ) emotionally taxing clients who refuse to hire a therapist and deal with their own emotional needs, the requirement to be both powerful, dominating and extremely emotionally open to notice the smallest eye twitch and lip bite of a submissive while also recognizing that you are locked in a room with a man twice the size as you and that is a risk in it of itself is ALOT. These are just a tiny handful of the emotional ( and physical ) aspects. There is the reality that you are NOT the ONLY dominatrix in the market, this was captured more than perfectly by My Mentor Natasha Strange “your sisters, your best friends, your confidants, some of the only people in the world who can truly relate to your experience are also your competition.” That is a bizarre place to be in. 

I will straight up tell you that doing a “regular” full-time job is far less emotionally, physically and mentally taxing than doing this. If you are an independant pro-domme, as I am, you are also your own company, your own brand. Any small business owner knows how this is a feat in it of itself, from something as simple as accounting to marketing, the work is never ending. 

And I turn down work every month because of My own boundaries, I do not offer sex or sexual services, I do not do scat, I don’t do worship of any part covered by a bikini, I don’t do somethings that really excite some people. * Caveat here: Power to the people who can do all the things I personally cannot because there is absolutely a place for them in kink and play. You are amazing and any one who doesn’t respect your work can fuck right off. *

But, don’t you make SO much money per hour! Doesn’t it make up for it?

Actually, no. 
After dungeons/hotels/flights/equipment/clothing/advertising/website maintenance is paid – the dommes who make the most money are the ones whose passion for their job shines the brightest and their strong business acumen. But the truth remains, if you don’t care for the job – you probably are not going to make the most money as an independent business owner. 

I suppose what I am saying is that there are much simpler ways to make money. And professional domination is not one of them. Which goes to the last point, most pro-dommes don’t just “do it for the money”. In fact, you can tell by the content they make, the writing they painstakingly carve out, the excitement they express via their social media channels, you can see who LOVES IT and also, who doesn’t. 

Back to My gentleman friend. He had waited 50 YEARS to tell wide-eyed, little, 20 year old Me about his desires. Someone who could literally do nothing about them for him besides send him off with a shrug. I imagine even if we did play then, it would have been a likely lackluster experience. My nerves hitting the roof, him with his too high expectations of dreaming for 30-50 years for this moment. It might have even put him off expressing his desires again for… another very long period of time! I compare this with someone I have seen recently, 28 years old, young, excited and eager to play – and when we did and it was pretty wonderful! He was beaming from ear to ear when we finished and so was I. It was intimate, exciting, emotionally expansive and wonderful. He had his whole life ahead of him to keep playing, refining or expanding his kinks. He found a professional who fit his needs and desires and went for it boldly. 

He didn’t have to wait 50 years.

With love,
Domina Elara

** I also know some of you are thinking, My gentleman friend is totally lying to a 20 year old to get his rocks off for free. I considered this, wrote a detailed reason why I didn’t think so and chose to delete it. What his intent was is not the point. The point is that this notion “Pro-dommes only do it for the money” still prevails and limits some kinksters from living their most fulfilled lives.

If you are 50/60/100 years old and just discovered your kink, don’t be like My gentleman friend. I genuinely hope you find a provider who is just as excited about your passions as you are – it doesn’t even have to be Me. My gentleman friend will likely keep waiting. And you, you can actually do something about it with a professional dominatrix who is as enthusiastic as kinky as you. **

** But wait! But what about findoms! Aren’t they all about the money?
Some of the best findoms I see are ones who are not purely motivated by the money, they are incredible business women/men/genderqueer folks who have found a way to lean into money as a fetish – it is a business, a kink and an art. While sometimes their branding is framed in a way that they are only using subs for their money, it is tapping into the psychology of that fetish. The best findoms know that this is a business and their business is that of the mind, a sub’s wallet is just a tool. Also, is it that terrible for a findome to be motivated by money if they give you an excellent service or experience? If you are a sub and this does not appeal to you, don’t look for a findom specific dominatrix, there are so many others around. Do your homework and find the one for you. **


My Domination Style

My Domination Style

My interests are rooted in sensual domination, I love tease and denial – watching My submissives ache with desire while denying them ( or allowing them ) pleasure is very exciting to Me.

I also enjoy administering pain artfully as I am a sadist – but I only truly enjoy sadism when I see a submissive willingly and eagerly takes blows/pinches/strikes for Me. The enjoyment goes away if their desires are not matching up to Mine in witnessing them receive pain. If they are not pain sluts, I find other ways of engaging them that fulfill My interests.

Such as the act of ritual, I love starting with acts of worship to Me, feeling My submissives loving touch on My feet, legs and body while making sure they abide by tight protocol or rules.

I also consider financial servitude an act of worship I highly appreciate, one that gets My attention quickly especially if I only interacted with you on the web on phone or cannot see you regularly. My attention and My skills are things I have specific and have honed, ones that should be appreciated by My subs. Hence acts of servitude such as buying Me gifts and sending Me financial tributes to maintain My lifestyle so I can focus on the creation of beautiful scenes do not go unnoticed.

I incorporate protocol into My extended time with My subs, I was forced through finishing school when I was younger and have high standards when it comes to My subs navigating meals, activities, decorum and communication etiquette around Me.

I enjoy humiliation, reminding My submissives of their powerlessness, their slutty desires, their hunger and their perversions while I giggle and laugh at them. Once again, humiliation is only fun for Me if I see My submissives painfully enjoying themselves.

While I get a lot of energy from My subs enjoying themselves, I personally get a lot out of pushing their personal limits in an effort to grow and challenge themselves and their assumptions. Which is why I adore Chasity keyholding, subs from near and far can get Me to hold on to their key for total control over one of the most precious parts of their bodies. It is not easy for them, but true submission has sacrifice and through sacrifice, rewards are magnified.

I say that I enjoy all of these things but I acknowledge to get to a deep subspace I use different strategies, from bondage ( which I love! ) , psychological play ( I am very good with My words ), various kinds of naughty torture, roleplay and etc… no one sub gets the same treatment. It is a highly curated experience.I have an arsenal of high-end equipment that I will be bringing with Me in My aid.

I have explored highly specific role play, age play, race play ( only in deconstruction of white supremacy ), feminization, dom/sub dynamics.

Of recent, I have been exploring more medical play, complex rope work and service orientated submission.

My hard limits are sex and sexual activities, worshipping of places on My body covered by a bikini, brown showers, blackmail fantasy, anything involving animals and children. Any illegal actives.

I am a pro-domme of high ethics and have no interest in causing you actual financial ruin, deep traumatic psychological destruction ( some of you can take a lot and this will be negotiated ) and unnegotiated permanent physical damage.

However, I want to acknowledge that I practice Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which means we both go into this understanding there are risks involved and that in negotiation, we discuss each other’s boundaries and ultimately recognize that in the exploration of BDSM, there are not just physical risks but also mental, emotional but also financial. I encourage all My subs, especially ones who are completely new to BDSM or new to Me to consider placing adding a half hour extra time in negotiation if this is your very first experience with a pro-domme.