You might be surprised to discover one of the reasons I got into domination was because of an unfortunate incident that happened between me and a man, what he did was not important but what it left me with was a burning ( and in my mind ) righteous anger towards men.
I felt a rage. And unsurprisingly, anger is never the primary emotion – there is always something underneath it. And for me it was helplessness. Helpless in the way I felt that the man who had wronged me ( and several women ) has no consiquences for his actions, helpless in how I saw it as a systematic problem that happened over and over to women all over the world. I was angry.
And getting into professional domination was in many ways my own way to sort out my feeling of helplessness, to gain back authority and agency over my own soverenty.
And funnily enough my interactions with men as a dominatrix actually made this anger melt away. And in it’s place I found myself feeling sympathy and compassion to men. Hundreds of men shared with me their insecurities, their fears and were wiling open and vulnerable in their decision to embark on their kink journey with me. And in it I developed a sensitivity and compassion towards their struggles.
I underestimated the amount of pressure men are under finally being the secret holder of men I started to see all the masks drop. The high expectations of being an excellent performer at work or at home. Feeling the pressure to be the one in the family who “holds it together”. Massive financial pressure especially when there are family involved. But above all, the lack of space to express desire for the deep fear of rejection.
Men take rejection far better than women.
Trust me, I swing both ways.
And I think it’s partly due to practice, men are expected to “make the first move” and women are on the receiving end of this. By sheer action and numbers, men get rejected more than women. But we all fear rejection, men just have to deal with it more. By sheer practice, men are better at it than women. ( You can tell when they gracefully take a “no”and walk away )
And the fear of expressing a deep desire, especially if deviant by regular standards, comes from that fear of rejection. When your deep desire is rejected and it is simply instrincistly part of you, it is hard to not take it personally.
So men come to me because the possible rejection by their partners can possibly wreck their reality.
And truth be told, many women are not sexually open minded – from years of conditioning to stay clear from being labeled a “slut”, most women have been socially groomed to avidly reject sexual deviancy if not they themselves can face social rejection. Sometimes it is the men themselves who cannot separate this idealized wife / partner in their mind to do deviant sexy explorations with, “this is the mother of my child!”.
So men have no place else to go but to find a safe space to explore their desires without judgment. With a dominatrix.
And I explore these desires with them with an empathetic lens and a warm sense of humor and delight.